We're All Close To Our Lives

it is Sunday morning. i woke up late XD. this is what i saw and feel so grateful and alive

we are so close to life. the light is always right out of window. and so is the darkness. the air is all around for us to breath. the ground is always below us, for us to  step on, and walk on forward. life is here, for us to do our best

i turn on my notebook . i guess i need a lil noise. i love music, like everybody else. i like musics randomly.and this is a song i often listen to recently. all the time

Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

From a certain website i read on the intenet, i knew that the word was written on the wall by kurt's riend. "kurt smells like teen spirit".it was a joke, because teen spirit is brand of deodorant which was used by his e xgirlfriend. but kurt really appreciated it and considered it as a philosophy. teen spirit

I was maybe just about 6 or seven when this song was booming. they say this song changed a whole world of music and life. they say it made kurt above the wind but he couldnt help it. they say he killed himself. shot his head. he was not being himself. or sort of, i never understand the reason. but here is the quote i've always been heard :

"I'D RATHER BE HATED FOR WHO I AM THAN LOVED FOR WHO I AM NOT"

this is the clue, but i dont even wanna think about it. just let it  burried with him, forever. because that was the trully him. whhat kurt did is definately not a good example for us,but i appreciate his ife, his thought, and his works. i really appreciate his faith and honest to himself and music. but everyone has his own ways to react life.

i remember a fan wrote on his web, Kurt killed himself and died, because he was so close to his life

but we dont have to do his way, right? haha. even a genius musician has an insane acts, like people say.
life, for me, is about an option, like cooking, you can execute the ingredient in your way. the result, the end, the process, is all on your hand. you re doing great, it can be delicious, you failed, youa always have hopes to fix it. as stilll air we breath, there is always a hope

Because The Thing Is, He Loves You

He was just there, in the livingroom. a tiring face, a backhurts, he took off the jacket, took two pieces of chocolates, and said 'im really sorry'
He drove 2 hours by motorcycle. in a rainy season, for only reason :  seeing me, and he couldnt wait even for a night
. for something he wasnt really guilty for, for something that i made bymyself just because im bored and wanna be treated specially
and i was so angry for him not pick up my call. otherwise, he was heading to my house, for saying im sorry and giving two pieces of chocolate
2 hours, in a rainy seasons. and he didnt even argue for my weird and unecessary and annoying acts. he just saying im sorry and hug me. leaving a kiss in my forhead

you can imagine how ifeel guilty so much

sometimes boys dont wanna say much things when you guys are arguing.he doesnt say anything. and you are thinking that you're abondened. that he doesnt care about you. he doesnt wanna talk to you at all. and moving on with his daily lives. he said "i ll give you some more times for cooling down. and when you're ok, i always be there, honey''

and deep down inside you feel so sick of it. you think  he's leaving you. and you got deeper into your anger. i thought so, i felt so, and those were i got. him, sacrifice. love.

and suddenly you feel so guilty for making the one you love feel guilty for something he didnt do,nothing else but your selfishness and childish.

he doesnt leave you. he just tries to keep your feeling, not hurting you, try to make no arguing, and waiting for the right time to make everything better, he never forgets you, he always love you.

everyone has his own ways to show the love. dont judge him doesnt love you, just because he doesnt show it in a way you want. it never works. you will never be satisfied. he will never be perfect. the main thing is, he loves you
I Love You Mas Kukuh
:')

a lil piece of world in a corner

This is what i get when i turn my head to the right. and usually i stretch my body to relax. put my head on the wall.and stare at a piece of light there..it is so relaxing when you have to stare at an about 60x40 centimeters screen in front of you, eight hours a day.
here i work
my room?dont imagine a room with a name-board written ARCHITECT on the door. the room i get is only a circulation way behind a wardrobe. not actually a room. it is  a rest of a space of the entire office where they can put a sets of computer and make me work there.
but that is how i earn my own money. i love my job :)

bubbles and green grass. sometimes i do nothing with the browser. just let it display the picture of grass. and let my computer out of work. and here they come. bubbles (as a screensaver)im soooo loving it.and i usually do nothing but staring at my screen continuesly for several minutes. so much relaxing  :)

a little bit of survival :) a tea with creamer. you cant imagine how sweet it tastes.keeps me enjoyable with the work

Wow im blogging now. writing isnt something for my world actually. i never interested of writing or blogging or everything when you have to put many words on a certain media. That sounds so boring. Sounds so insisting. Sounds so wasting time. Sounds so yea-right-what-should-i-do-that?
But i  find some reasons when i am deciding to start blogging now : Because im bored, that is why im writing. because i really want to, and i have so many time wasted. and because i find myself saying to me : i guess i have to start blogging. why not?
i still do know what i should write in my blog next time after this. but yea i just try to make this blog like my own bedroom. i sleep in it. doing new things in it. and thinking of many things on it. yea let's see.saying and doing things that are forbidden for me to be done outside, in a normal world of me, commonly me. i can be a stranger here, an alien here. everything or everyone but NOT ME. oh..that sounds so full of freedom and releaving, and so friendly. i need a friend, and doesnt mean i have no friend. i just need an unordinary ones. yea i guess that is my primary reasons. the keyword. the clue. UNORDINARY.
im writing at my office
what a very normal and common world it is.
and it feels like im arriving at somewhere weard for me when im writing this
haha yra wish me luck and see ya