You Are My Beach

I love beach. I only need beach to make me happier

And I hope you're like my beach, S

_Widara Payung Beach, Kroya_

I will always like you with my wasted heart

Who knows when we fall in love? who knows to whom it falls. who knows in what condition we fall in love?

and who can describe what love is actually, and how it feel when we say we fall in love?

And sometimes, love is impossible.

And do we really have to fall in love when we can not get who we love?

maybe I just like you, S. The way i always miss you and hoping will see you in many ways. I am waiting, unreasonably, for your status updates in blackberry massanger. I am so dying to know what you're doing know. what you feel. are you happy. or are you sad. my heart beats so hard when i begin to text you. waiting for you to read it make it harder. and get your reply make it harder and harder.

I like you way too much. I remember when i sit back of you. I really did want the world stops right there. Like i want to stay there forever staring at your back, holding the side of your jacket. enjoying the full moon, and rhytm of your driving. I felt so save. I felt so happy. And I pretended to touch your back. But I could not.

Everytime we hangout with our friends. I always see that you're the only one around. I always look up to you. I don't know what's good or bad of you. But I always look up to you. I always secretly see you. Even through the corner of my eyes. I just don't want to lose every single second of you next to me. I don't want to miss it a bit.

But the only thing I regret is my awkwardness. I regret that we can't be close like everybody else. That's the way I fall in love. I lose all my courage. I just hope that you figure it out. 

But I can't be with you, S. Although ever night I always imagine that we are together and that makes me totally happy. But we can't. Because I have my destiny. You have your own. I'm walking into my marriage destiny. And you're living with you love to your girlfriend. That doesn't matter, because you don;t even love me back. That's gonna be harder if you do. So let me fight alone. If I have to break my heart, I'll live with it. I will. I am the one who fall in love to you, S. So much. 

There's nothing I wish but you to be happy. With whatever , whoever you will be with. Just be happy. And please be my good friend. And please still show up and let me know you're fine and happy.

I never blame this small part of my heart that falls in love with you while i'm with my real boyfriend. I'm not blaming myself. No. I' not living with guilt. I believe it was meant to be. And please, let this small part belongs to you, the small part that remembers, loving you, and stays honest. This small part that I have to abandon for the rest of my life. I'll keep it, but it just stays there. Never shows up through my mouth. abandoned, wasted. I will always like you with my wasted heart, S :')

"If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with"